Today was hard. Sad and hard, but God helped me fight through it and ultimately not cry. I actually laughed a ton and made new friends.
But oh, the hard parts were haaaard. New office is isolating, I'm missing my old friends, desperately missing my beloved HH, BY, and BH and about 50 other kids who graduated, and it looks like I've got zero classes with NG, one of my favorite co's. Not the happiest of days.
But you know what makes me feel better?
The phrase "Give 'em the 'ol razzle dazzle," paired with animal pictures.
Don't know why. It just raises my spirits right out of the gutter.
Especially this one I found of a dog in tiny tap-shoes.
RAZZLE DAZZLE 'EM!
Okay, now that the silly-but-true's over, time for thanks and some stuff I wrote at 2PM today...
61. Present of mixed nuts and dried fruit packet
from vice principal. Arrived just when I needed it.
62. Shiny new floors in the hallways. This
morning, it was clean enough to eat off of--now, not so much.
63. New 3rd grade English text book, happy,
shiny, and baby blue.
64. Arm-squeezes from Joonseo, a new 3rd grader.
Reminds me that I've got sweet ones that I care about at every age level.
65. My Hyunho coming to see me, even though the
big downstairs office is scary.
66. My Hyo, who has grown from a tiny baby boy
drawing chickens on his worksheet, to an average-sized young man, two years
later. how they do change over time.
67. The knowledge that my hair looked supremely,
Olympically, illuminant today.
68. Sweet warmth of the heater in the English
room, having somewhere to be, a calm space to simply reflect.
69. Green grape candy, tasting the way roses
smell, connecting me to the memory of my university's rose garden and the candy
smell of the leaves.
70. Moms of brand new first graders, lined up
outside their sons' new classrooms. The tenderness and care of parents, waiting
to see if their boy will like his new place.
Ugh, so I'm not having to teach on my first day
of school, but that doesn't mean it's not hard. it's a good thing I had a
foundation of thankfulness laid or today could be quite gloomy!
Me and JY were moved to the downstairs office
which is where I was during my first year. It's better than it used to be, but
still vast and dull and utterly silent.
I really think it could benefit from a little
elevator music--some soft jazz or simple classical music to lend the feel of a
background him, so that merely talking to another person doesn't feel like a
momumentous act.
It's not even that anybody in the office is
disapproving in their attitude. Our vice principal is a darling man (made the
rounds twice in our office, to bring everyone snacks and mango juice), Science
Teacher from my old office is in there, and the remaining Older Guy Teachers
are sweet. There are about 5 new people in the office, too, and like 15 new people in the school.
So it's not the people that make the office
problematic, it's just the general vibe. The layout of the room doesn't allow
for camaraderie.
And I feel super sympathetic towards JY, who
sits by me and likes the place far less than I do, if words are any indication.
I'm feeling non plussed-- she's feeling
dreadful.
I had thought that I could lean on her in this less-than-awesome
time, but I think it might be the other way around. Her besties, KBR and. YSR
are gone, and she's not a homeroom
teacher anymore, so she's separated from the other 3rd grade teacher pals we
all used to know.
Eh, it's all the more reason for me to perk up
and be a ray of sunshine. JY needs me to.
Caught sight of only a few new 1st-graders
today. They were supposed to arrive at school at 2, for an orientation. Some of
them arrived waaaay early, though, and were waiting outside the basketball gym fully 90 minutes before they
would be allowed in. Eagerness! Cuteness! New backpacks!
Seriously, I think every child got a new
backpack when they went from elementary
to middle school. You can still see the store-made structure of their bags,
like the cardboard frame might still be inside.
So I don't precisely know my schedule yet, but
I'll be alright. I've done a lot of planning and it's all good. It's gonna be a
good year.
Right now, I really am feeling that.
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10:18 PM Also, at the teacher-dinner I made a new friend. I was feeling ABYSMALLY sorry for myself at dinner and really just wanting to be...I dunno. I don't know what I wanted, but I knew I wasn't going to get it.
But then I started talking to the girl next to me, one of the 1st-grade teachers. Using only Korean, we had a 30-min conversation, exchanged phone numbers, and decided we liked each other very well. And I wouldn't have gotten to know the lovely YH if I hadn't pulled my head out from shoe-gazing and self-indulgent moping. So! Beautiful friends await! Just lift up your head, child!
And After You Lift Your Head, Lift Your Right Foreleg, For the Ol' Razzle Dazzle
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