9 AM: Another calm morning, the last day of finals.
Yesterday I put in an application to work at a particular school for 2016. The way I understand it, I can stay here at my school through next year (2015), but after that I'll need to find another place, because of the budget cuts. JY Teacher recommended a place she thought was good for me, and yesterday morning I sent a proper email to our co-ordinator at the office of education, asking to be considered for that position for the future.
I'm; satisfied now. I'm not worried about the future. Either I'll get that cool school for 2016, or I'll flip to an elementary school for a little while, or I'll find a local university job. Something will come through and I'll find something good to apply myself to.
And I'll continue to study Korean! Getting a 2 this November has strengthened my resolve to get a 3 by next November. And I'm more invested in my church than ever, really feeling blessed by helping with the preschoolers--there is much to celebrate.
I'm still actually crying a tiny bit every day--not because I'm miserable or because I think I'm on the wrong track, but just because it's my second Christmas away from home and that's hard. It's 100% my choice to be here, but there are still some trade-offs and this is one of those trade-offs that makes me weepiest. :-0
Last night, me and B-Teacher had dinner with one of our co-teacher and her 2-year-old daughter at a ramen restaurant (Japanese-style ramen, not Korean-style ramyun, though the supposedly Japanese "ramen" you can buy at stores in America has more in common with Korean noodles, in taste and texture). It was delicious and I enjoyed riding in a warm car for a long time. I really love being driven--it reminds me of being with Mom or Dad, not having to worry about our destination because I know they've got things covered.
Speaking of relying on and trusting Mom, she brought up something in conversation last night. She was saying that instead of asking her for confirmation if certain things about my life were going right, I should just ask God.
Novel concept.
I was a little flabbergasted. Isn't that what parents are FOR, to be your moral compass and tell you what the right choice is? When you're little, yes. But I somehow assumed that this arrangement of things would continue well into adulthood. Age 28, in my mind, was not too old to be getting the Mommy Stamp of Approval on every tiny choice.
But I've been listening to the Lord more lately, and I think he's developing my conscience-sensitivity and my ability to hear his voice. So rather than getting a constant heads-up of parental advice, I have to catch myself in bad patterns and ask God directly to help me change my route.
And to this end (making me become more spiritually reliant on Jesus himself rather than on godly-but-human 3rd-parties), God has been keeping me from communicating with my mom at certain key moments.
I'll have a decision quandary, send her text asking about what I should do, then have the text go unanswered until I have to figure out a choice, just me and God. My texts normally go through to her just fine, but this month I've had two major ones get lost, in just such a way that makes my solve my own problems.
And of course I can still ask Mom for good counsel--I just need to remember that she's no longer my External Wisdom Drive, and neither is Daddy. I can't just pass off every choice, big or small, to them and trust that whatever they pick is the right thing. I have to speak to my heavenly Father and get his approval on things directly, rather than having another mediator.
Another part of growing up, mentally and spiritually? I think so.
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