10 AM:
Hahahaa, the new schedule is nuts. For morning class--first period on Monday--I had the giant class.
And dig this--NG wasn't there for the first 20 minutes. I was told which class to go to at the last minute, and NG wasn't told at all, so I had our large flock of little dudes all by my lonesome until he got there, nearly halfway through class.
I managed about as well on my own as I do with a co, but I was still glad to see him when he walked in the door to the kids' cries of "Wae Neutgyeosseoyo?" (Why late?) I managed to not yell at the babies, just calmly telling them to be quiet about eleventy billion times. NG did tell them that they needed to be quiet because we have zero time before midterms, and they need to learn all they can, so please listen to their native teacher and pay close attention. Aww.
KBR has been working extra hard to get me permission to go get my visa redone at immigration. Tomorrow, I'll hop a train to the next town and get my permission to live in the country revised, revamped and renewed.
I got some kind of spiritual thing going on and I don't know what it is or isn't.
At church yesterday, I got a distinct feeling that I should be helping with something in the church. No idea what--it was nothing so solid as being on the VBS committee or aiding the senior citizens. I have vague inclinations to help with the nursery, but I don't know if that's it.
Then I talked to my mom and dad on the phone, and they have very strong impressions from the Lord that I should be doing soemthing, too. Ministering/seeking the Lord/something.
And I realized that I've been in the country for a year without doing anything to bless other believers. I just made it to church most weeks, and called it a day. I was so concerned with survival, with doing well at my job, I didn't try to grow spiritually or share or God's word or anything.
My job was king, Especially in March and April. Even going to service was subject to being dropped so that I could have an extra chunk of hours to pour into designing lessons for the kids, to improve the drudgery of class. A lot of that work was done in the service of my own pride, too.
And I think I've held it against the Lord that He hasn't made himself more apparent to me. So many years in dead churches or flaggign churches--going to college, not finding the spiritual awakening I expected, going to grad school, finding closed spiritual doors at every turn, going to Korea and finding nice churches but not that kind of evangelical fire that people talk about...
I guess I just expected it to fall into my lap. One day, you stumble onto God Stuff and it changes you, so I supposed.
Maybe that theory's still right. It's been suggested that I should travel around to different services, seeking the Lord, but I don't want to do that. I've already done the thing where I assume God's awesomeness is at a place and it's a thing independent of me, connected to whether I get to the place or not.
I think I need to do something at my little church in town.
And that's going to be hard enough and counter-intuitive enough, since I can't even talk to our pastor and church members, most of them. And I'm used to the path of lofty disdain. I'm better than you and you know it, was/is my attitude in most church-situations.
I don't even know what I'm supposed to want anymore.
But God knows. I spent all the minutes before bed last night just saying out loud, "I don't know, I don't know, God, I don't know." Physically and professionally, I'm good. Emotionally, I'm pretty buouyant, but for this other thing...maybe it's something that will require a mixture of God's revelation and my own nose-to-the-grindstone willingness to simply work.
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