1-10-15 Vacation Begins

6 PM:  I'm in the Dallas-Fort Worth airport!

All the packing and flying has gone well. Only one more 1-long flight and I'll be back with my family. Scorrrre!

I've gotten insufficient sleep for the past week because before I travel I'm always strung tight as a piano wire, thinking about all I've got to prepare. I had so much cleaning to do, and packing, and triple-checking schedules for everything. I had to drop my pet fish off with a friend, have final lunches/coffee with different people before the long break, plus trying to finish strong with my boys in English camp.

This morning's schedule went thusly:

6:40 --train to Seoul.
8:40 --high speed train from Seoul Station to Incheon Airport.
9:30-- taking care of baggage, going through security
1:40 PM--flight from Seoul to Tokyo
6:30--flight from Tokyo to Dallas (last 10 1/2 hours)
4 PM (local time)--land in Dallas.

Of course, now time is all warped. My phone tells me it's local time 6PM, while my computer still tells me that it's 10 AM, then day after I left Korea...anyhoodle, a lot of time has passed.

I did actually sleep on the flight, a bit. Maybe as much as 4 hours? Which is negligible, but still unheard-of for me. But! I only slept that much with the aid of a neck pillow, sleep mask and two benadryll. At home in Korea, if I have a cold, one Benadryll knocks me out for a full night. But the muscle tension in my body on a long flight is such that even being already exhausted and sleep-deprived + taking heavy medication can scarcely make me sleep. And I had one of the extra-legroom seats to stretch out in, too!

Yet, with all my complaining, this was still my easiest flight across the Pacific so far. 6th time's the charm!

I'm looking forward to my time with family. My Korea life is going well--I'm earning a living, learning another language, and I have a ministry to help with (preschoolers!), so I feel like I can really loosen up and appreciate my vacation.

Thank you God for safe travels.
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1-7-15 All Is Well

10:30 PM   Thought I'd take a moment to write, since I'll be on a plane home to the states in less than two days. Woot!

I'll be home for 3 full weeks, then it's back to Korea for this year's graduation in February, then the new school year in March, with a fresh crop of baby 1st-graders. Aww. They will be the same exact age as my own baby brother, so it will be interesting to look at them in terms of my own blood relative and what I know of his history and what it took to raise him. :-)

I've been doing "Winter English Camp" at my school, and it has been grand.

GRAAAAND, I say. And I was relaly ambivalent about the whole thing, going into it. Last year's winter camp was a total flump (="Failure-lump") and I did not enjoy it. But this year! It has been extraordinary, let us say.

I have four 1st-graders and six 3rd-graders, and they're all charming. The crazy thing is, I was expecting the 3rd-graders to be a small pack of my favorites, but when i walked through the door on Monday, I found they were all virtual strangers to me. They only A-level among them was Hyunee, a sweet kid who I've always totally overlooked because he stands in the shadow of so many other charmers in class.

But we've all gotten along beautifully well. I was nervous as anything, but I had picked a witner camp theme with the students' enjoyment in mind, and it has paid off. I decided to do "Film Discussion and Baking," playing to my strengths. Because while I might not be the best English-as-a-Foreign-Language teacher and might not be able to impart grammar rules from on high, I do know what fun is.

I have laughed myself silly over the boys' antics and they in turn, feel the happiness. No matter how much baking soda we spill or how many bowls we crack, we're having a killer time making cookies, brownies, and bread together.

KBR told me that one of our boys, Do-Il, texted her after class was over to tell her that while he wasn't good at English and had never had much use for it at all, he had an amazing time in camp. Imagine that! A boy who hasn't received any enjoyment from the subject at all was having a great time with it. That warmed my heart and I nearly split my face with a smile.

KBR also pointed out that the boys are all enjoying the class, as evidenced by the fact that they keep coming. I recalled that last year on my biggest day we had like 5 kids and on my lowest day I had just one kid, so I'd forgotten how astonishing it was to have 9, then 10, then 10 kids for the first three days of camp. KBR says that they come early, to boot, and camp out in the room, waiting for class to kick off.

Among the 1st-graders is my baby Jaehoon, the one made of stardust and rainbows. Despite being the most responsible kid in there, he's been responsible for almost all of the accidents we've had (hole knocked in the bottom of a plastic bowl leading to batter leaking out on the floor? Jaehoon. Cloud of spilled baking soda floating through the air and settling in a loose mounds all over the desks? Jaehoon), and has sustained the only burn.

Jaehoonie has been a dedicated baker, taking snapshots of every step in the baking process, and personalizes his dishes, including carving KBR's initials in a plate full of peanut-butter cookie dough batter. He wonders why we haven't baked in the special Saturday class before, and I told him honestly that I hadn't thought of it until now. But I certainly intend to do more of it in the future, now that I know how portable my little oven is.

It was super-easy to pack up Mr. Bakes-a-Lot (my oven) in a canvas bag and carry him to school. This opens the future wide open for possibilities--I know that not only can i teach cooking, I can teach English through cooking and bring about a lovely, messy bonding experience between the students, and that is grand.

Heewon told KBR that he's afraid that my not being in class on Friday will mean that he has to go to another class, and that's the sweetest praise. But I've got that covered--KBR will sit with the boys on Friday and watch a movie with them while I'm off getting on my plane. Tomorrow will be my final camp day, and I intend to enjoy my day with my unexpectedly wonderful kids.

It was truly a blessing from God, to give me such a happy, lovely camp experience.
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12-24-14 Christmas Eve

3 PM:  Fine day so far.

It's sleepy-cold Christmas season, so everything's a little idyllic and lazy. I stayed up waaayy late last night, baking and wrapping presents and painting homemade Christmas cards. It was crazy, but it made me feel Christmasy.

It's a season about giving, so being a Person Who Gives makes things better for me. I baked an entire pan of banana bread for the principal and another for the vice principal. I baked dozens of peanut butter cookies for Mr. B, my Lunch Co-ordinator, and NG, with enough left over to have a lot to hand out to students who came by my desk today.

The girls I work with (HS, SG2, JY, KBR, the special-needs teacher, and my school-bestie SY) all got very prettily-wrapped beauty product present like peach-scented body wash and grapefruit lotion. I have a great fondness for fruit-scented anything, and it's better to not give girls food if you can help it--you never know who's on a diet, so I didn't bake for the ladies other than my lunch co-ordinator, who I know for a fact likes my baked goods.

The girls were all thrilled with their presents and with the hand-painted cards I made. SY had actually forgotten it was Christmas Eve until I gave her her present. She in turn gave me this cool grown-up coloring book called Secret Garden, full of groovy little drawings and treasure hunts.

I Can't Wait!

It actually looks great for stress relief and I think I could copy some of the designs for my own artwork in the future.

I got NG cookies, but since the girl teachers got nicer presents from me, I added some batteries (which he's always using in class, for microphones) and wrapped it up to look really grand. I gave it to him in our class together and he noted that as soon as I left, the kids were going to ask him a million questions about the gift. The kids are always curious about us and there's no really good strategy for dealing with their questions. But in any case, NG's one of my best friends and one of the people I respect the most, therefore I don't mind the hassle of the kids always staring and sticking to us like paparazzi trailing Brad and Angelina.

Most of my 3rd-graders were gone to the high school next door to take their placement test, which will determine their level within the school next March. It was dullish for awhile, but then all the 3rd-graders who were accepted to different high schools started coming by. Jihyuk sat with me and read a Dr. Seuss book and chilled for ages.

Jihyuk's pronunciation is quite nice, even if his vocabulary isn't as high as some kids. He's A-level and super-polite and charming. I rarely get to talk to him, but I got a chance to really appreciate him today.

Pray for my 2nd-grade Jeongmin. He's having hardcore depression issues and I'm concerned about him.

I got invited to the big teacher trip this weekend! I won't be going because there;s a scheduling conflict and I have to stay to interview students for next year's special English program. Which actually works great because I didn't precisely want to go on this trip, but I did want to be asked. 

Before lunch, Mr. B called me downstairs and told me that the principal and VP specifically asked for me to come along, and the other teachers wanted me on the trip too, but that the other American, B-Teacher, was not invited. That felt a little weird, so i decided I would let JY decide it. She can be relied on to make good choices and I didn't really know what to do either way. So I won't be going, but I have the best of both worlds--nearly entirely free weekend, and also the knowledge that my presence was wanted.

One of my older co-teachers gave me a Christmas card today, saying she was thinking of me and praying for my future, and for some reason that card just made me cry. The second I finished reading it, I put a large number of tissues in my pocket, then walked down the hall to the English room, so I could have a good cry.

Because tears were imminent. I've been extra teary this holiday season, scarcely going a whole day without crying a little bit. Also, kindness is just my undoing--I can hold it together through anything tough, but as soon as somebody shows compassion or sweetness, I lose it.

This time, it wasn't just a small cry, like usual. I laid my head down on the table and fully sobbed, Knowing the double doors and the vestibule in the room would muffle the sound. Tears slid sideways off my face and collected in a sizeable puddle on the desk. It was a loud cry, too--coming not from the eyes and throat, but deeper down in the chest. 

I just let it go on for 3-4 minutes, knowing I'd feel better when it was done. It was almost like vomiting when you're sick--you're not really in control of it, it's just something your body needs to do. If you try to hold it back, it won't go away, but if you let it run it's course you'll be cool.

It was the same way with me. After a good, hard sob, I put my face in order, then went back to my desk when my bestie SY was waiting for me. She and I chatted, then went to lunch together, and we were happy. 

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12-21-14 Church Christmas Pageant, Y'all.

6:15 PM  Our church play was epic. Our preschool kids were cute to infinity, and my mind is blown by how Christmas pageants operate in Korea.

I viewed the whole thing with the a mixture of awe, excitement, a sliver of dread, and a perpetual mouthful of suppressed laughter. It's a lot like the Grand Wa-Hoo of a pageant once headed up by mother when I was but 15 years old, only this was kind of...more...bananas. Purely nuts. Worlds fail.

But still, I will try. It was a church-wide pageant thingy, with performances from the Slightly Older Ladies, the preschoolers, the low elementaries, the upper elementaries, the teenagers, and one final medley by a ukulele choir. (Side note: ukulele choirs must be a thing in Korea. This is the second one I've seen since October.)

Let's start at the real beginning, though. Let's start at Yuchibu service. "Preschoolers" in Korean is 유치부, and Yuchibu is one cute way to spell in in English, and not as sugary as Yoochiboo, maybe.

We rehearsed our songs, I wiped a bakers' dozen of little noses, and I was taken over by Seongwoon the Baby Tornado. He has made me into his class-mom, meaning that I'm his base of operations. If he's hurt he'll come running to me, he spends 50% of his time in my lap, and if he returns to find another lap-occupant in his chosen place, he will simply add himself to the pile and let me sort out the issue of how to keep them from suffocating each other.

He's rather like a cat, really. And a lot like my younger brother, too--a force to be reckoned with. And he was in fine flying-formation today. Much to my surprise, he kept his socks on, but he did keep tackling his hyung when hyung was trying to rehearse his song for the play. I had to lock Tornado Baby in a fireman's carry over my shoulder, just to keep him from launching himself at his big brother and taking him out every five minutes.

And Seongwoon and I also just spent a lot of time looking at each other's faces, smiling. I told him he was wonderful (in Korean). He told me he was an airplane (in Korean). I nodded my agreement. I have no way of knowing what my future kids will be like, but in the same way that I knew two years ago that I'd be assigned to work at an all-boys middle school when they're relatively rare, I now strongly suspect that my future offspring will be contain at least one Seongwoon. The kind of child that's 100% strong and active, 100% sweet and affectionate, and altogether exhausting and lovely.

So Seongwoon times today were good, as was time with my sidekick Hyoeun, a lovely little girl who has seen enough princess movies to decide that she knows who I really am. You can't fool her. White women who smile a lot, have long hair, and sing for no reason exist in Disney movies, so that is what I am to her. Hyoeun is loving and smart and always at my side, and I'm proud to be her friend.

After an hour, I left to go to lunch, them came back at 1 pm to find the kids in the preschool room completely transformed.

Feathers and halos adorned 8 of the girls. Yohan was dressed as Mary's Horse--not a donkey, but a horse. Hangyeol wore a crown and robe and was undoubtedly King Herod--the most accurate casting decision in the history of the Yuchibu. (I don't dislike Hangyeol, but I do find him amusing, because he's bossy and overpowering and manages to always be doing what he shouldn't. That's almost a talent.)

And then there were the witch hats.

Glaringly, inexplicably, there in the midst of the preschoolers were two boys dressed in witch costumes.

Erm. Could this be an attempt at a "magician" costume, since the wise men were "magi"? But I saw other kids in more traditional Wiseman garb. And there were only two boys in these. And the witch costumes were accented with large swaths of gold collar trim and gold-spangled stars, like the Pittsburgh Steelers of wizardry. After doing an image search, I found the exact outfit they wore:

                                   Pictured: Nothing You've Ever Seen at An Alabama Pageant

It was only during the play that I saw they were King Herod's "advisers" and that their strange outfits actually highlighted the way that their advice was not to be trusted. Or at least, that's how I chose to make sense of our jaunt through A Very Halloween Christmas.

But that wasn't the only unusual thing that I noticed about the childrens' appearances.

In the one hour I'd been gone, makeup had been applied to all 45 kids. Had been applied with a heavy hand, and regardless of gender. A swipe of silverish shine-powder adorned every child's face, giving them definition. The apples of their cheeks held a Red Delicious blush, and their identically bright cherry lipstick was visible from fifty yards away.

The girls looked ready for a ballet performance, and the boys like they'd taken up a side career selling Avon. Most of the boys had had their hair shellacked back with styling gel, too, either to allow us to see more of their faces or to be extra K-poppy.

1/3rd of the kids were in costumes for the short nativity play, and all the others were going to sing one of two songs, divided into Big Preschool and Little Preschool. In preparation for these songs, they all had white gloves on, fastened around their hands with tinsel wire.

This Stuff.

On the top of each had was a giant shiny paper star, which flopped around precariously, held in place by fabric glue. 

ALSO....half of them were wearing tiny top hats.

LIKE SO.

Anyhover, I was completely flabbergasted and had to instantly hide both the flabber and the gast, so my fellow teachers would not see how weird I thought this was. 

We marched our little bedazzled troop downstairs to the main sanctuary to practice. The first hour (1-2 PM) was spent trying to keep them from climbing over the pews or starting fights. The second hour and thereafter was spent trying to keep them awake. It was afternoon and post-lunch and they'd had their fill of running and fighting, which means they crashed hard.

Little Minseo, a lovely and incredibly small child of about 3 years old, crawled into my lap while the other age groups were performing and it took me ten minutes to realize she was asleep. Dead sleep, too--I could shift her to my other arm and she wouldn't rouse. 

In the sleepy confusion, the kids began to lose their makeup. Lipstick smudge-prints began to appear on everybody's white shirts. They rubbed their faces and got blush all over their palms. Their tinsel stars began to fall out and their feathers shed a bit, so by the time they sang they were a tweensy bit bedraggled from the long wait, but they still nailed their performances.

The performances from the other age groups were sweet and charming. And also quite shocking, because in my experience of being brought up in the church, dancing is simply not done--preferably not done by anyone at any time in any location, but most-certainly-definitely not done in church by church people.

All those rules go out the window in Korea. Dance is a staple of church events. The only groups that did not dance were the Slightly Older Ladies and the Ukulele Choir. Both our preschool songs were fully choreographed, mostly with cute hand motions and jumps, but with one questionably appropriate movement. Repeat this statement for all 3 of the elementary songs and for the teenage song, too. If you get uncomfortable with the dancing, you just look away. There's nothing to be done about it.

Add to this the fact that the opening sequence of our pageant was two high-school girls singing "All I Want For Christmas Is You".

I...I didn't know what to think. I adore "All I Want For Christmas Is You"--it's a favorite of mine. But it's romantic. It's not for church. I also like "Can't Help Falling In Love With You," but I wouldn't sing it in front of the congregation. So I decided to clap along lightly and smile at the girls on the stage, because they were clearly worried and having a hard time, trying to sing in another language in front of a large crowd. 

IN ADDITION TO THIS, I was wondering how we would somehow worth the soundtrack of the film "Frozen" into our pageant. Because this in Korea, and Frozen music finds its way into everything from food commercials to high school graduations. Given enough time, we will definitely discover a path to our musical goal. And we did. 

"Let It Go" was played as a violin and cello duet by two of our college students, used as a backdrop to a slideshow about Jesus' birth, depicting the entire nativity story. I didn't even try to force the lyrics of "Let It Go" to connect in any way with anything from the Bible. It's not meant to. This song is just something that happens at large event, and people expect to hear it.

But, we did also sing all 4 verses of  the songs Hark the Herald Angels Sing, Joy to the World, Angels We Have Heard on High, and O Come All Ye Faithful. And I cried a little bit because I remembered how much my God loves me and how he come to the world for me. And how I should adore him and worship him in his beauty.

I don't know, sometimes even in the flat-out stangest circumstances, the Lord's glory shines through. It did for me today.

So! Thus went my first Christmas pageant in Korea. Here's to the future, and to many, many more.

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12-18-14 Prep for the Big Field Trip

1 PM:  Calm day. Had only one morning class and will have only one afternoon class.

SG2 had to give a math and science test to some 2nd-graders this morning--a "test" test, if you take my meaning. It's an experimental test, given to a randomly selected class at every middle school in the area, and I guess it's meant to test the effectiveness of the test, so they'll know if they want to make all the kids take it in the future?

Anyhobbit, the kids were very confused by it, said SG2, because it was asking them questions about things they hadn't been taught. So no, it doesn't look super effective from my vantage point.

Ponyfish Minwoo says I look like Emma Stone. Same hair, skin, and nose, says my baby boy. For reference, this is what Emma Stone looks like:





Thanks, buddy. He wasn't even trying to get chocolate out of the deal, so I'm left to conclude that this is what he genuinely thinks.

Hyungjoon, one of the smart 3rd-graders who only started talking to me 2 months ago despite my having taught him for three semesters--talked to me about his expectations for high school, and it was a good convo.

Clever Sunwoo came by to chat about seeing me at my favorite cafe last Monday. Me and my friend were studying in our usual spot, when Sunwoo, Youngminnie, and Hyun came by, had a conniption fit of excitement outside the cafe window (much shouting and waving at me), and decided to come in. They settled at their own table, ordered lemonades and amused themselves, pleased to just be in the same space.

Cute, cute, cute.

Hyo doesn't just have perpetual allergies, I found out--it's some kind of inflammation that never goes away. Poor baby.

HH is in good spirits. He thinks he did good on his finals and all he's got left to do is take one last high school entrance exam next week, and he's done! Good job, mister. Of all my endless rounds of much-loved kids, HH is right at the top.

Tonight, me and the 3rd-graders and 3rd-grade teachers will all pack up on a train to go see the sunrise on the east coast. This will be approximately a 6-hour train ride, during which sleep will be nigh-on impossible.  Then we'll hang out on the coast for a few hours before turning right back around and coming back to our town by nightfall of the next day.

Me and KBR have been talking strategies about how we'll manage to look decent during this trip. 20 hour field trip, with 12 hours of it on a train plus (probably) no sleep equals messy-looking teachers. :-)


Also, Mom, if you're reading this, could you text me to let me know you're alright.

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12-17-14 Application to Cool School and External Wisdom Drives

9 AM: Another calm morning, the last day  of finals.

Yesterday I put in an application to work at a particular school for 2016. The way I understand it, I can stay here at my school through next year (2015), but after that I'll need to find another place, because of the budget cuts. JY Teacher recommended a place she thought was good for me, and yesterday morning I sent a proper email to our co-ordinator at the office of education, asking to be considered for that position for the future.

I'm; satisfied now. I'm not worried about the future. Either I'll get that cool school for 2016, or I'll flip to an elementary school for a little while, or I'll find a local university job. Something will come through and I'll find something good to apply myself to.

And I'll continue to study Korean! Getting a 2 this November has strengthened my resolve to get a 3 by next November. And I'm more invested in my church than ever, really feeling blessed by helping with the preschoolers--there is much to celebrate.

I'm still actually crying a tiny bit every day--not because I'm miserable or because I think I'm on the wrong track, but just because it's my second Christmas away from home and that's hard. It's 100% my choice to be here, but there are still some trade-offs and this is one of those trade-offs that makes me weepiest. :-0

Last night, me and B-Teacher had dinner with one of our co-teacher and her 2-year-old daughter at a ramen restaurant (Japanese-style ramen, not Korean-style ramyun, though the supposedly Japanese "ramen" you can buy at stores in America has more in common with Korean noodles, in taste and texture). It was delicious and I enjoyed riding in a  warm car for a long time. I really love being driven--it reminds me of being with Mom or Dad, not having to worry about our destination because I know they've got things covered.

Speaking of relying on and trusting Mom, she brought up something in conversation last night. She was saying that instead of asking her for confirmation if certain things about my life were going right, I should just ask God.

Novel concept.

I was a little flabbergasted. Isn't that what parents are FOR, to be your moral compass and tell you what the right choice is? When you're little, yes. But I somehow assumed that this arrangement of things would continue well into adulthood. Age 28, in my mind, was not too old to be getting the Mommy Stamp of Approval on every tiny choice.

But I've been listening to the Lord more lately, and I think he's developing my conscience-sensitivity and my ability to hear his voice. So rather than getting a constant heads-up of parental advice, I have to catch myself in bad patterns and ask God directly to help me change my route.

And to this end (making me become more spiritually reliant on Jesus himself rather than on godly-but-human 3rd-parties), God has been keeping me from communicating with my mom at certain key moments.

I'll have a decision quandary, send her text asking about what I should do, then have the text go unanswered until I have to figure out a choice, just me and God. My texts normally go through to her just fine, but this month I've had two major ones get lost, in just such a way that makes my solve my own problems.

And of course I can still ask Mom for good counsel--I just need to remember that she's no longer my External Wisdom Drive, and neither is Daddy. I can't just pass off every choice, big or small, to them and trust that whatever they pick is the right thing. I have to speak to my heavenly Father and get his approval on things directly, rather than having another mediator.

Another part of growing up, mentally and spiritually? I think so.

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12-15-14 Favorite Preschoolers and Drying Tears

11:30 AM  The kids are all taking exams today through Wednesday, so things are quiet.

I spent 2 hours of the morning writing a more detailed lesson plan for my winter camps. I had already done a 2-page plan in October, but I expanded it to 5 pages, and I feel like the whole idea is coming together much better now. I cut out the crafts component--to be frank, I'm just not the awesomest person at crafts, especially crafts I've never personally tried out before, so we're better off if the class sticks to things I do know rather than experimenting too much.

So far, the lesson plan leans heavily on film discussion and baking cookies, two areas of expertise for me. :-) Hee! It should be delightful, especially since I've got (I think) 1st-graders for 4 class periods a day, 5 days total. That's a lot of time, but through my afterschools I've learned a lot about how to construct enjoyable classes. And it can be practice for next year, too, when I've got a new schedule.

I got worried about my job yesterday, since I heard that in 2016 there won't be any more middle-school teaching in my area. For whatever reason, it came as a shock to my system--I'd hoped to stick around right here for another 3 years or so, but it might just be one more full year. I got to thinking about it I renew my contract in August, whether it would mean one last semester at my school before getting shifted to elementary.

For some reason, I let myself get really upset over possible future changes like this. I got agitated to the point of crying, and it was just a messy situation for me, yesterday evening.

Then I remembered that the Lord is taking care of me, by way of recalling an incident from that very morning when I was helping with the preschoolers at my church....


Seongwoon is one of my favorite babies. He's international age 2 (Korean age 4), so he's a bundle of wild energy, with the biggest heart and sweetest smile. His older brother is just a well-adjusted, lovely kid, but Seongwoon is a baby tornado. Seongwoon has lower lows and higher highs than his hyung. He's a climber; lose track of him for one minute and you're sure to find him scaling a stack of tables or clambering onto the piano bench, with his sights set on even higher ground.

When this happens, I go over to Seongwoon, give him a tiny lecture, and hold out my arms to lift him down. He jumps, I catch him, all is well. He takes his socks off and puts them on his hands then shows them to me because he knows I think that's weird.He runs around the room and comes back to where I am sitting to butt his head against my leg or shoulder until I pay attention to him.

In short, he just owns my heart.  And yesterday morning as we teachers were getting the kids into their coats and boots (and seeing them out the door when their parents came by to pick them up), I noticed Seongwoon near the door, his face absolutely stricken.

I rushed to him to find out what was wrong, because something was surely awry for the Sunshine King to look so sad and I knew that tears were imminent. This dialogue happened in Korean:

Me: Seongwoonie, what's wrong?
S: Ma...mamaaaa.... *points outside the open door*
Me: Oh, baby. It's okay. It's okay. Mama's on her way.
S: *tears burst forth* *face is instantly soaked with the evidence of his heartbreak*
Me: *picks up S* *wipes tears* Look, look over there--it's okay. Just wait. She's coming.
S: Mama.... *further tears*
Me: *kisses cheek* Just wait 2 minutes. I promise she'll be here. She didn't forget you.



And sure enough, she came. For whatever reason, even though his mother has always, always come for him--had never NOT come for him--Seongwoon thought that she wouldn't this time.


Then I realized after several emotionally turbulent hours on Sunday afternoon was that I am Seongwoon. Standing at an open door, crying and worried and scared that I won't be taken care of. That even though God has blessed and protected me to the far corners of the earth, this one time he'll forget me.

It's not true. :-) I'm well-loved and of more value than many sparrows. God will come through for me this time as he does all the the other times. I've been given a future and a hope. I can wait by that door without any fear, because I know I won't be left behind. Someone is coming for me.

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