7-22-14 Last Day Before Summer Vacation

11:10 AM Finished my last class of the semester. Oh.

Oy vey. I am going to miss these kids so hard. Sooooo hard. I know I'm just leaving for a month, but the level of separation worry I'm experiencing is pretty darn high.

My little Yechan in 1st grade, a beautiful little guy who drew beautiful pictures of potatoes and got into a knock-down-drag-out fight with Cool Guy Hyunseo and who told me my eyes were "Shingihaeyo"(amazing) is moving to China for 4 years.

I had to say goodbye to him and know that he was going somewhere better because his father is living in China and the family is just now getting to go over and be with him. I went to Yechan's homeroom today and got his phone number. The other kids were horrifically jealous, except for Jungseop, who had my Kakao already and who had to rub it in everyone's faces. I'll miss you, little Yechan. Do well.

Minhwe already came by for his farewell chocolate. So did Jaehee and Ponyfish Minwoo. HH is gone to the Philippines and I haven't seen BY or BH today.

In 2-3, 2-4, I sat with SG2 and just stared at the kids and thought about how special they were. I gave Hyunho a necklace charm of a silver wing from my USB chain. I use a silver necklace chain to keep my USB on, and I've added a few silver necklace charms to it to make it pretty.

The chain unclasped while I was starting our movie, and one of the charms fell to the floor. For some reason, I decided not to put it back on. Instead I walked past Hyunho and handed it to him. He looked like I'd given him gold--for some reason, the silver feather charm was deeply special to him. He came to the back of the class and asked SG2 to tell him how to say something, then he repeated her words back to me, "I will keep this forever."

How beautiful. I'm so surprised that my boy was that touched.


I'm hungry to see my family, so I can't wait to leave. On the other hand, this trip to America feels like just that--a fun, exciting trip before I return to my job/house/regular life. Isn't it funny?

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12:20 PM:   No lunch today. The kids are all gone.

Minjoonie picked up my fish and carried him off, to babysit him for the summer. I stopped Jaehyung at the door and hugged him goodbye. Hugged B-Teacher goodbye just now as he left...and nearly broke down in tears. I am coming back in August. All is fine.

I am going on an adventure! And that is a fine thing to be on. About to say bye to the other teachers in the office and hit the road.
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4 PM: Packed everything. Got my checked bag and carryon and purse all ready. Got my outfit for the plane and my pain reliever and my iPOd and my book and my itineraries printed out.

Turns out, school letting out at 12:30 was just what I needed. It took all that time to have a good lunch, double-check that I haven't overpacked, make sure that my souvenirs for the siblings are well-cushioned, etc.

I tossed about 5 small bags of garbage, cleaning as I packed, and I walked a couple blocks down the road to pay my utilities for next month, transfer a little more cash to my American account (since I'll be there for a month), and grab some travel-size toothbrushes and shampoos.

Got passport, got debit cards that work in Korea and America, and got cash in three currencies--dollars, won, and yen. Got medications in a plastic baggie, and I'm going to pack my electronics at the last minute.

I think I'm ready.

Saw little Gil-Oh in town. He trotted after me to say 'hi' as I came back from the bank. Adorable babies are everywhere.
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7-21-14 Culture Trip, and Praying for Jeongmin's Teeth

12 PM: Great morning. Just chilled with SG2 and compared weekends. She went to the mountains and I went on a cultural trip with the other native teachers where I got to stay in a hanok house, try on hanbok, listen to traditional instruments, etc. It was pretty sweet and delightfully well-organized.

Jeongmin came by this morning and I gave him a stern little speech about thankfulness when he said he didn't want the chocolate I gave him because he thought it'd made his teeth hurt, and didn't I have something better, more special than chocolate?

After explaining to him why his behavior was unacceptable and obtaining an apology, I found out that his teeth are genuinely hurting and he might have to have a root canal. Sometimes what seems like a whine has a deeper cause. Anyhoo, I put my hand on his little face and prayed for God to heal his hurting. I think that's only the second time I've outright prayed over a student.

Brought my fish to school. He's in a Tupperware tub, and Minjoonie will take him home to babysit him for the summer. The kids are stone-cold fascinated by my little betta fish and keep coming by to see him. I do a little baby-fish voice and talk to them in Korean, giving my betta a voice.

Gave Jaehee a birthday present of the matching game "No Speed Limit". He loved it.

Had a great time talking to NG in class about our experience of being kidnapping for singing on Wednesday. Comparing stories, it was pretty funny. Even though he didn't have the second-language issue that I did, it was more uncomfortable for him because he's reserved, shy, and doesn't like socializing at the best of times. But even the most uncomfortable experiences can lead to great stories, so it all turned out well.

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7-20-14 Sermon on Insecurity

2 PM:

Coming off the same website where I got the sermon about Dealing With Disappointment, I found this gem, which I've been listening to over and over, about Insecurity.

He says (paraphrased), "Solve your point of insecurity by coming to Jesus. Jesus is the only one who can make you feel secure. We keep trying to do our worldly thing to try to make ourselves valuable. It’s not that Jesus isn’t enough, it’s that we’re not letting Jesus be appropriated into every area of our life.  "

I truly needed to hear this. I so often want to draw into myself because I feel inadequate--like I'm not skilled enough in my second language, or I'm not pretty enough, or lacking as a teacher, or I'm behaving too silly or too quirky or too studious or a thousand other contrasting things that keep me from blessing people.

When I boil over with insecurity, I lose sight of Jesus and of the people Jesus wants me to love. My value comes from the Lord, not from any other worldly source. With the heavenly Father there is always security, and that should make us bold enough to seek out others to serve and bless, unselfishly.

Insecurity - Jimmy Seibert from Antioch Community Church on Vimeo.

7-17-14 Cake Angst, and Kidnapped for Noraebang

9:20 AM  Got kidnapped for noraebang last night.

I haven't been noraebang-napped since September, so I was due for one.

I had stayed in my nice work clothes because L-Friend wanted to study at our favorite coffee shop at 5:30  and I was throwing a birthday party for AB-Friend at the same coffee shop at 7. Our local coffee shop sees a lot of action, really. It's the site of parties, study sessions, and late-night post-theater film-discussions.

They Also Have Coffee.

Anyhoodle, I had gotten several little presents for AB-Friend, and written up a card (designed by L-Friend) and made certain that the guys in the group were getting her a card at least (they exceeded expectations and got her a lot of cute presents in addition to the card--you go, boys.) . 

Also, I had planned ahead and gotten 2 Paris Baguette cakes in case we had a lot of people. In Korea, cakes are tiny. At home, you can buy a cheap sheet cake at the Wal-Mart and feed 20-40 people easy, depending on how you cut it. Small Korean cakes serve 4 if you're getting big slices, 8 if you skimp, and even the largest cakes can't feed more than 12-ish, if no one wants a second slice.

Smaller Than They Look, and My Store 

Only Has Single-Layer Cakes. 

But man, do they ever look pretty. So I bought a Walnut Cake (Cake 2) and a backup cake (Oreo), in case we had 20 people show up (it was more like 13), but then AB-Friend came in with a third cake (Strawberry) that her co-teacher had given her. 

What to do. Because the Walnut Cake is visible, as is the Strawberry Cake, but the Oreo hasn't been spotted yet. If anybody sees my back-up Oreo cake, AB-Friend is going to feel awkward--I know her--and then people are going to ask me what we're going to do with my extra cake and ask whether they can help pay for it, and debate which cakes we should or shouldn't eat. 

It was going to be socially awkward and take the focus off of AB-Friend's birthday and off of having fun, so I decided to make it a non-issue by not allowing anyone to know about Oreo Cake. I secured Oreo cake under my laptop case, where it couldn't be seen. I also obtained the co-operation of AM-Friend (not the Birthday Girl), who was going to leave the cafe after 40 minutes, hiding Oreo under her jacket. The things my best friends do to help me preserve order...

Strawberry was all eaten, and people began eating Walnut, but things did not go exactly according to plan. AM-Friend and I were trying to make 3 cakes and the garbage thereof look like two cakes, so she was able to smuggle out Oreo by saying it was the "box and trash" from Strawberry, while I still had the giant box and trash of Strawberry, which couldn't be dumped in the cafe garbage cans because it would be making the staff deal with our mess.

So at exactly 8, I stealthily put the Strawberry cake box and trash in my laptop case. I was going to leave Walnut behind, so people could still nibble on (it also became breakfast for Birthday Girl this morning--she loved it and instagrammed pictures of it, so it was put to good use). 

Only problem left was that I couldn't fit my laptop into my laptop case, and I didn't want the guys to see that because they Just Can't Leave Things Alone. But I managed to slide past 5 chairs and 3 large potted plants while holding my purse, laptop case and loose laptop all in my arms, culminating in hugging the Birthday Girl goodbye, all without tripping or garnering commentary from the guys. 

I was out the door, and turning toward home with no one the wiser! A win. An awkward, unwiedly win, but a victory nonetheless. 

Only I could manufacture this much Cake Angst.

Don't Taunt Me, Cake. You Don't Know What I've Lived Through.

But the night doesn't end there. No sooner had I turned down my street than I heard my name being called, by at least one male and one female voice.

I turn, arms completely full of stuff, to behold Mr. B, my co-teacher. With him are PE Teacher, NG, and at least 7 moms from the PTA. Mr. B runs to catch up with me and tells me that the moms wanted to take Mr. B specifically out to dinner since the semester was ending. They had just gotten out of the barbecue restaurant and they wanted to know if I'd join them for "Round 2".

I already know what Round 2 is going to be. It's going to be noraebang. Like any sane person, I accepted immediately.

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11 AM: I didn't have to teach my first class, so here's the rest of the story.

Mr. B walked me back to my apartment to drop my stuff off. I mentally prepared myself for the awesomeness and awkwardness that lay ahead.

I under-prepared.

Int he giant norebang room, there was a constant whirlwind of conversation, food, and singing. Or rather, mostly of the moms and Mr. B making us, the three younger teachers sing stuff. I went first. I was told to sing in Korean, so I went with SNSD's "Gee," which is a song as pink and fluffy as a my Little Pony.

I got bonus points with the moms for singing first and for singing in Korean, no less. And as I sit down I'm just hoping that NG's not rolling his eyes at my aegyo-filled song choice, because while Mr. B looooves when I do cute stuff, NG seems to look down on anything less than practical, and I still have to work with him after all this is over.

Yes, Please Take Me Seriously After You've Heard Me Sing

"Gee, Gee, Gee, Gee, Gee, Baby, Baby".

As it happens, I shouldn't have worried. Because NG had a weirder night than I did. He has a good voice and sang about 3 nice-sounding slow-tempo songs I didn't know. But he also had to live through a lot more teasing than I got, and had to endure/fend off the very pressing attentions of one of the moms. There are things you expect moms to do, and none of her behavior fell under those categories, let us say, but none of it was bad enough that I felt I needed to verbally intervene. 

The same basic thing happened to me in September, with one of the former guy teachers--it seems to be a rule of noraebang than someone will lavish upon you way, way more affection than you want to receive, but still not quite enough that you could sue them for. Professionalism has its own, very different standards here. 

I sang a Taylor Swift song they didn't know, then later did a sassy breakup song in Korean (and the crowd goes wild). The PE teacher probably had the best, strongest voice of anyone, but he left early. I couldn't leave, not until Mr. B did, because I know my manners. You don't skip out on your elders, because that is impolite. Even if your elders are dancing on tables (yes, that happened), you wait like a good girl until they tell you everybody's leaving. 

Noraebang Tables Are Sturdy As A Great Mountain,

And Well-Used to Adversity.

I had some great conversations in the midst of this craziness, though. HH's mom showed up, and since she has English, we could talk about family and vacations and my Korean study. Yoonjae's Mom was charming as always, and I met the moms of 3 other students of mine. It was pretty sweet.

I was exhausted soon, though. The nerves of having to sing in Korean in front of moms I've just met, combined with the effort of trying to understand the conversation and trying to make intelligent 2nd-language replies, was just tiring.  So for my closing song, I went with Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know," which is calm and lovely. It was exactly right for the final song of the night. I just now found out that Lily Allen covered the song last year, but previously I had only known the boy version:

7-16-14 Nectarine, Losing Scrabble, and Sem is Funny

2:50 PM:  Currently eating a nectarine stealthily given to me by C-Jeongmin yesterday. It ripened nicely overnight. C-Jeongmin always gives me presents like he's a secret agent delivering an encoded message. He grabs my hands, then gives me chocolate or gum or fruit while obscuring it in such a way that no one can possibly see it. This a pretty sweet nectarine, all things told.

 Wooseok came by during the last break, to borrow my headphones. Fortunately, I had bought a spare pair this morning, so I could just give him the new ones to use.

Interestingly, the other 3rd-graders, Hojin particularly, were trying to tell me not to deal with Wooseok because he is (their words) "human trash". Erm. And they weren't just razzing him for fun, either--they genuinely meant that they don't like him.

I wonder what precisely it is that my Wooseok has done to make himself such a pariah? Unlike some kids, he's not physically unclean. Unlike some kids, he's not abrasively obnoxious. Does he bully others, like he used to verbally frighten Jeongmin? Does he steal? I'm not sure.

Yonghan and HH played Scramble with me all during the lunch break. And they won.

A fact which HH gloated over to no end. And they did genuinely win--I helped them get words like "quid," but Yonghan figured out "Blades" on a triple-word score all on his own.
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3:30 PM  Deokryong came by over the break, but there was no chocolate, no candy, no crackers, no nothing. Almost no matter how much I buy, the kids eat it up right quick, yo.

Wooseok came back by to return the headphones and to try to get food. I had none, so I gave him a drink from my coffee mug while he tried to check his email on my computer. Then Jaehee and HH came by and Jaehee wanted a drink, so I gave him one. Jaehee thereupon told HH to translate to me that we had just had a "secondhand kiss" due to sharing the same cup. That is an actual thing here, a real (albeit insignificant) cultural construction. Like how wearing the same color shirt as another person means you're in "couple clothes". Daww.

HH came to sit with me and he said that Friday he's flying to the Philippines for vacation, so tomorrow's class is the last time I'll see him him before school starts back. I also won't see Leader-Jaehoon again until August because today was my last day of teaching his 1st-grade class. We finished Megamind and again, they all died laughing.

BH came by to see me this morning. When Ponyfish Minwoo told him I was out of chocolate, BH corrected him, "I am here to talk to Sem." Conversing with my boy is always delightful.

Went to the special needs room this morning, and Jaehyung played with my fingernails. Along with my hair, they're a favorite toy of his. I tried to talk to Joonsung, but Joonsung ran off, as Joonsungs are wont to do.

Geon said "eokkae apa" meaning that his shoulder hurt, and I said "Okay, Appa!" clearing meaning "Sure, Dad!" Which much be a very old, slate joke among kids because Geon faked a massive laugh and said with perhaps the most sarcasm I've ever witnessed in any Korean student, "Oh, teacher that is funny. SOOO interesting. Yes, so much." I got another hugely feigned gut-laugh, plus some applause.

Delightful, Teacher. Well Done On That.

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7-15-14 Wooseok, Darling, and Tofu-Milk-Cucumber

1:45 PM  Wooseok came by after lunch today, to get candy and crackers and use my second computer to check his email and his online game stats. We no longer have to wonder if My-Wooseok knows that he can get the world on a silver platter if he asks me for it--he's fully aware. But it's all I can do not to gush over him like the precious, ornery teddy bear that he is. This kid.

Later, Hyo came by to finish watching Finding Nemo on my computer. Not sure why, considering that we're going to watch it in his class today and tomorrow, but I feel like my desk is a safe place for Hyo. He can pull up a chair by me, plug in my earphones, and rest a bit while I play games and chat with the older boys.

Introduced Scrabble to the fellas, and it's a rousing success, so far. Minjoon and Hojin teamed up to play against me and Jeongmin played as well. Interestingly, due to the way the tiles were drawn, Jeongmin scored much lower than Hojin, though he has much much more English than the latter.

Kids are catching on to my endearments. Today HH greeted me with, "Hello sweetheart, how are you doing today?" which is basically my exact greeting to most students. And a couple dozen 1st-graders are say8ing hi to me with, "Hi darling!" The cuteness around here ramped up to 5,000.

For lunch, we had some really good, expensive fish and veggies...and an unusual tofu-milk-cucumber-noodle-soup concoction with ice cubes in it. Yeah. You think for a moment that it's going to be alright, that you can just focus on the milk taste like it's a dessert, and then you hit a noodle. Then you decide to focus on the cucumber-noodle "meal" taste and you bite into an ice cube.

Food, Why You Gotta Be Like That?

It's called Kong-Guk-Su, and it looks deceptively normal.

My Version Did Not Contain a Boiled Egg and Cherry Tomato.

For All I Know, the Egg May be the Pièce de Résistance.

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7-14-14 Teacher Learning, Minwoo Birthday, Reasons for Giving Thanks

12:20 PM:

Good morning. Chilled with SG2 and talked about vacation plans. She suggested that she and I try a short vacation together in the second semester--I think we could do it. I like her enough for that, and I think we're practical enough to make it happen.

Class with NG was also good. We talked about our plans to improve our individual teaching styles over the summer. I need to work on my intros, he needs to work on his explanations, etc.

It's interesting how I progress from "I Am a Deliciously Perfect Teacher" to "I Am an Imbecile Who Cannot Teach At All" to "I Have Many Shortcomings, but Also Many Good Points and I Can Finds Ways of Improving Myself." I'm very happy to be in this last phase.

BY and HH are getting along. They laughed and leaned on each other all this morning when they came to talk to me. Jaehee grumped at me over something, but then we quickly threw heart-signs at each other, to re-establish friendship. Not-My-Byeonghyun looked upset, so I threw him a heart, too, which he returned with a smile.

Looks Roughly Like This, Wink Optional.

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3:30 PM:  Sanghwa stuck his head in the office window and looked at me with exaggerated puppy-dog sorrow. "Aieee want to go to house-suh...." So darling. He's grown so much since last August. 11 months is like 4 years in Teen-Boy measurements of time. They alter almost entirely, some of them.

Movie classes went well. Took Soccer-Minwoo a birthday present (his birthday was yesterday), and in our class he brought up how he'd seen me yesterday, when he was out walking with his girlfriend. Soccer-Minwoo is quite the gentleman, because he was proud of both his girl and of his teacher. He introduced us happily, like it was an honor to have us making acquaintances. I feel like he's one of the kids who treats their little sweethearts nicely.

My present went over well, too. Soccer-Minwoo liked it and Pony-Fish Minwoo reported to me that he heard I'd given the other kid a birthday present, and this seemed to make him very happy. The students often appreciate the general goodwill that arises from one of them getting something special.

I just learned the Korean verb for "to lower" so I understand Hyungmin when he asked me to lower the shade in class.

Sat by Changho in 1st-grade class. The younger kids think Megamind is an utter laugh riot, and I think it's even funnier because of their reactions.

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6 PM:  Some lovely blessings from today, just practical which I want to remember:

1. I now know how to internet shop in Korea. This sounds very basic, but it's actually a teensy bit complicated, considering that many English-language sites won't ship products to Korea for anything less than a vast fortune. And I was intimidated by Korea's main shopping website, GMArket, because even though the pages translate into English, the order-forms themselves are in Korean.

What if I accidentally ordered acessories I didn't want, or what if they delivered my stuff to the wrong adress? Anyhoo, I was too timid to try it out until my amazing Tutor helped me order my treadmill. After she showed me how to do it (payment form can't work in Google Chrome, must use Internet Explorer/ don't pay directly online, instead go to the bank one block away and make the transfer at the ATM there), everything was easy.

My treadmill was delivered within two days, and then assembled lickety-split. It has been a great benefit to me and has freed up so much time, so I determined that GMarket is an excellent resource for getting things I might need.

It's also a better alternative to only buying what I can physically carry. With no car, the stuff I can obtain is fairly limited. But now! Now I can buy a bookshelf and a comfy chair! I can turn my dorm-style apartment into the type of more-orderly and homelike place that I've been trying to achieve lately. I want a clean, grown-up residence.

Today was the first GMarket purchase I made by myself. It was an iPod, because my previous iPod just died and there are no Apple stores in Korea at which to get repairs (I think it's because Apple is a direct competitor of Samsung). I needed a new one because my iPod was my saving grace on my international flights in January. When you can't fall asleep, 12 or 14 hours on a plane is an unending loop of time, but iPods have superlong battery lives, so I could listen to music or college lectures the whole time.

And now I have one again! Score, score score. How wonderful. Another tool in the arsenal for braving the Great Plane Journey.

2. I booked a vacation to Jeju Island in September. Chuseok is Korean Thanksgiving, and last year I didn't do much during it. But this time around, my former roommate found us a great vacation deal for 4 days on Jeju Island with an English-speaking tour service for foreign teachers. 50+ people are going and it's going to be a great chance to explore part of Korea that everybody says you should see.

It's a blessing because I was wondering what to do with that vacation, and it knocks off a prime location on my list of must-sees in Korea.

3. I gave C-Yooseok an apple this morning. The baby passed me in the hall as I was walking in to school and he told me he was hungry. I fished out an apple from my bag, so he got some breakfast.

4. A friend linked this Christian talk about disappointment on Facebook. I've only listened to the first 12 minutes, but it's already been exactly what I needed to hear. The things he says about meeting with God...about your heart being the place where you meet with Him.

It just kind of blew my mind. I don't know why. But the idea that I can meet with God and commune with him seemed totally foreign and wonderful. So I stayed a few extra minutes at school just to hear what he had to say. Then I walked home quietly, feeling the sunshine and talking to God, thanking him for things. How astonishing my life is. How little the small disappointments matter. It was a great walk.



Dealing with Disappointment from Antioch Community Church on Vimeo.